18 weeks - almost half-way done! My belly is really growing. It's now completely obvious that I am pregnant. Either that, or I am trying to smuggle a basketball under my shirt. At this point with Aly I was thrilled to find out that we were having a little girl. I was planning the nursery, getting things together for our girl, and over all just so excited to be pregnant.
This time around, every kick & roll feels like a stab to the heart. I want nothing more than to bring home another baby, but the more we learn about her conditions, the more I am realizing that might not happen. Seems like a cruel joke, to go through a pregnancy and not even get to take home a baby for it. Sometimes I am able to forget for just a second and enjoy feeling her roll around. I've got an anterior placenta this time so her movements are more muffled and harder to feel than they were with Aly. Even that seems not fair - like I can't even enjoy feeling her movements during the short time that she may be with us.
The more we get info on her conditions and look into facilities and doctors equipped to treat her, it makes me second guess everything. Last week I was feeling pretty good after reading some research articles. Outcomes on the first procedure for most infants with HLHS is about 93%. Awesome! Except that's the group that didn't have any other conditions on top of it. With her heart block and situs inversus, she gets put into the complex group that only had a success rate of 57%. It's better than 0%, but still very grim. And with the additional issues it seems like the local hospital would not be able to treat her so we would be forced to travel, hopefully traveling before delivery so that she could be born at the facility where she would be treated & not have to be transported later.
I am sad. 1:3 might be a good batting average, but it's a sucky track record when it comes to successful pregnancies. And to see so many other people around me getting pregnant & having their babies around the same time Aubree is due is also hard. I honestly know over 20 women due between August and November.
1 comment:
Sweet....you know 20 people in that date range...I'm not one of them as I'm due in JULY PHEW :) jk...hope you got a little laugh out of that one.
I soooo feel for you, but try not to dwell on the numbers too. I have heard that they are not too accurate and can scare you more then you realize....and that's not good for a pregnant woman. No worrying for you! Well, that's what everyone tells me....I feel like telling them where to stick it to be honest :)
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