This friend is in a situation very similar to the one I was in just over three years ago. She is about to marry someone under the wrong circumstances. Everyone in the family, and several friends have expressed their concern to her. But she doesn't care. She's made up her mind, and come hell or high water she's going through with it.
I had been sitting back not saying anything, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I really believe with all my heart that she is making a HUGE mistake. Its more than just not particularly caring for the fiancee. If that was the issue, then I would have just kept my mouth shut.
When I called her, she said that she understood my concerns, and that she thought they were valid (and they were the same concerns she had already heard from several good friends & family members). But she was choosing to ignore them anyway, because she's "stubborn", and already made up her mind. She could not believe that she was being forced to choose between all of her family & friends, or her fiancee. I told her from my own experience, its a HUGE red flag when all of those you love & trust can not support your decision to marry someone. Its because we all have HER best interests at heart, and we can see the pain & heartache coming dead ahead. I told her that I understood what it feels like to love someone, but to have to make the very hard decision that this is not the best relationship & move on. Its devastating. But the consequences of going through with something that you know in your heart is wrong are even worse.
The worst part is seeing her family hurting so much over this. They are basically losing their daughter. But, they are still trying to do all the "normal" family things as a desperate attempt to let her know how much they care. They are helping to pay for & coordinate a wedding that they feel in their hearts is completely wrong. Because the alternative is to deny her help, and all but guarantee they won't be included in her life going forward. She's being completely selfish & scheduling the wedding at a time when a few family members will be in the hospital (scheduled surgeries). Her response? Well, we can just move the wedding to the hospital if you want. WTH?!?!?!
I stayed up most of the night crying about it, and praying for my friend. I was two weeks away from doing the exact same thing, when someone had the courage to confront me about it. It pissed me off beyond belief, but it got me thinking. Thankfully, I found the courage to do what I knew in my heart was right, and made the toughest decision in my life so far & canceled the wedding. Even though she was upset after our talk last night, I just hope & pray that it gets her thinking. I will forever be grateful for the person who talked to me.
And now I have a tough decision to make. The wedding is approaching soon. Do I attend, even though my friend knows I do NOT support the marriage, or do I not go. Unless something drastically changes, I can't go & pretend to be happy. Its going to be all I can do not to stand up & yell out my objections (pretty sure that's not going to be included in the ceremony
). I will probably just sit there & cry.
3 comments:
go if that is what you would have wanted from family/friends who objected to your previously planned wedding--would you have wanted your friend there even though he/she expressed such doubts about the marriage?
Its a good thing I can't stay mad/upset long. I will probably attend & let her know that I am always there for her. And, just try to get my tears out at home so I can get out a few smiles (but being preggo - I make no promises on the tears!)
It's a toughie but I feel like this happens a lot. I appreciate honesty, but I have learned that most people can't handle the truth. I have made it known when I opposed, and we didn't talk for three years, but everyone else still kept trying to act like nothing was wrong and desperately acted like beggars to stick around.
I learned from this that most people can't accept the truth if it disagrees with what they want. It's just best to let people crash and burn and stand back and watch. No matter what they'll always appreciate the person who told them they'll be there. They don't care about those who say "I told you so" even if those people turn out right.
There are some rare friends I know though who would definitely appreciate the truth and would act on it. They are the people who are very transparent, usually even almost called harsh words, but they're actually in my opinion the most refreshing. They're introspective and care about their decisions and realize what consequences choices have.
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